Alien Invasions: An Objective Analysis

I recently saw "Battle: Los Angeles" (which is pure military porn and I love it), and one aspect of the movie struck me as odd: Why the fuck would aliens (B:LA ones referred to as "ants" hereinafter), who've traversed probably millions of light years, who can drop out of lightspeed on command, and can drop on any general gridsquare wanna invade LA via Santa Monica?

Damn good reason to invade California, though. Hehe..."invade".

So, being the well-adjusted, mild-mannered adult I am, I fired up Google Earth and Wikipedia and went to town on the Battle of Los Angeles (the fictional one). After some researching and analysis, I have to give it to the ants: Santa Monica is the PERFECT place to establish a good beachhead: To the north is Topanga State Park (including several smaller ones) and just to the south of Santa Monica is LAX (a flat piece of land with little cover outside of the terminals). This gives them the cover of environment to the north and a nice flat nothing to the south. To demonstrate:

Good thing they didn't try to come in through Compton or Oakland...

As anyone who's ever read about or studied warfare will tell you, the most important aspect of an amphibious invasion such as this is establishing a beachhead. That means getting a hold of land to get resupplied, reinforced and to push further inland. A real-life example is the Normandy beach landings: without those beaches, there wouldn't had been an Allied advance, period.

Another aspect of the movie that seemed to bother a lot of people was, "Why is it so important to hold Los Angeles?" This ties into what I said before, the need to establish a beachhead. The marines were trying to stall the ants long enough so that Santa Monica could be leveled by the airforce, thereby rendering that particular invasion void. 

Though, for the sake of "the hell of it", let's look at another alien invasion: Independence Day!

This man stopped an alien invasion, with a Macbook...and he punched the president in the face...

This invasion was largely dependent on air superiority, as the aliens ("husks" hereinafter") never set foot on Earth themselves, it was all done with giant city-ships, each with a contingent of a gazillion fighters and frigates (all operated by a ship the size of a small planet). While it sounds good in theory, it's an awful freaking idea: namely because you can blast the everloving shit out the surface, but people find a way to hide and mess shit up when you're not looking.

Not to mention their rather idiotic target selection strategy. I mean...why would you blow up the White House? It holds no strategic value (militarily), as the president could be replaced by the veep who'll be in his own jet, ready to command troops if necessary (to learn more, wiki "Nightwatch"). A more sensible target would be Joint Base Andrews Naval Air Facility (that's a mouthful, innit?), or Langley Air Force Base...seeing as it has, oh, I dunno...planes that make shit go "boom".

B61 tactical nuclear bombs tend to fuck up people's days.

This post is getting rather lengthy and I'm only two fictional alien invasions in! Therefore, I'll be splitting this into several segments. Some candidates are: The Combine from Half-Life 2, the tripods from The War of the Worlds,and the Covenant from the Halo series. If anyone has any suggestions for an alien invasion to be analysed, drop me a line in the comments! Only thing is that it HAS to be an invasion (not an infiltration), and it CAN'T be Battlefield: Earth. Please...don't do that to me.

- Cee

Of Time, Nukes, Dreams and Second Chances

I'm big on dreams.

It's not exactly a secret, either, as I have a tattoo of a dream catcher on my left arm, have nightly lucid dreams, daydream often, and can even control some dreams (really). These dreams can vary wildly, and I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say that some have had underground alien biomes.

However, as of late, I've found my dreams have a reoccurring theme, a motif if you will. That being: "You are running out of time, the world is going to end soon." Mildly morbid and depressing, sure, but it has a pretty big effect on me, as every time I have a dream related to that, I feel it to be more vivid than others, can recall them damn-near perfectly and they all have the same twist at the end ("What a tweeeest!").

You dickhead.

For example, almost 10 years ago, I had a dream where a large asteroid was on a collision course with Earth (Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis were unavailable). I wanted to say goodbye to someone before I died, however, I missed my chance and died along with the world. Soon after, my consciousness was revived (by what I can only assume were aliens or robots), and was tasked with going back to averting the aforementioned disaster. Many years later, I had another impacting dream regarding a nuke going off on a city I was trying to escape. Alas, I wasn't fast enough and was killed in the ensuing explosion, along with the entire city, yet, I seemed to "wake up" two days prior in the same spot with the foreknowledge of what was to happen and the task of "fix this shit before we all die". Repeat ad nauseum with the other dreams.

If you haven't picked up on it, the dreams always have the same divergence from "reality" in that I am given a second chance to stop the cataclysm from occurring in every situation, usually after eating a nuke with my face or playing catch with an asteroid. The realization of this made me want to investigate the underlying reason as to why I have those particular types of dreams, and I have found the answer: I play video games. Allow me to illustrate:

Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask is a game about a boy named Link who has to stop the moon from colliding face-first with the world in three days. However, he has a magic ocarina that lets him revert all changes and keep reliving the same three days over and over to figure out how the hell to stop a small planetesimal from head-butting everything you know and love.

"I'mma fuck you up, world!"

Braid is a game with two storylines, however, both deal with fixing your mistakes with manipulation of time. Also, [JESUS CHRIST, SPOILER ALERT!] the game is about the nuke and how it came to be. [/SPOILERS]

This game will force-feed you the 4th dimension and you're gonna friggin' like it.

Rather interesting how the mind plays on your recent experiences, images, sounds and feelings when you least expect it. How about yourself? Any reoccurring dreams as well?

"I Stopped Worrying and Love the Bomb"

- Cee

Duck Butter, Mushroom Cake & Bow Ties

(Aforementioned Mushroom Cake)

Tonight was a ton of fun. It was the annual Black & White Gala for Give Kids The World. This event supports a great organization, and luckily, my company bought a table. Otherwise, that $200 a plate is a little out of my price range.

That's the good news. The bad news is that one picture was the only acceptable shot I was able to get the entire night on my substandard camera phone (Read: HTC Hero blows). It does however, give an impression of the excellent presentation the Peabody Hotel had for tonight. As mentioned in the title, the butter for the rolls was shaped in the likeness of a duck, Peabody's theme, and made people laugh; it also made for discussion as to whether or not it was more humane to terminate said "Duck Butter" by removing the head or body first (Hint: Take out the head first). The main dish, a perfectly medium filet, with some mashed potatoes and assorted veggies. Awesome free dinner: Check!

The best part about super fancy Black & White Galas though:

Getting to wear an awesome tuxedo and bow tie. Pictures to come tomorrow. 

This brings me to my main point; bow ties are awesome but underused and the few times they are, it's usually a clip-on. As my friend Veronica would say, "That makes me a sad panda."

Do it up right and whether it be for a prom, wedding, gala, or some other formal event, complete the outfit with the bow tie as the accessory of choice. A real bow tie can be the symbol of a proper gentleman, or a complete badass. Badass pictured below:

Now honestly, when has 007 steered you wrong when it comes to clothing? Never, that's when.

   Bond would never wear a clip-on because, quite simply, it looks like a clip-on. Real bow ties never look perfect, and it adds to the charm. So go out and buy one already. Surely, there are those that would say, "I can't find them anywhere" or "They are way too expensive". No excuse. I bought a silk bow tie for $7.99 at Burlington Coat Factory. It's a cheap investment, but a necessary one to achieve any level of Bond like cool. 

The most common complaint and one that nearly had me give up, is the difficulty in tying one properly. I will be the first to admit that I spent over 30 minutes watching YouTube videos, checking infographics and how-tos, and still coming up short; that is, until I stumbled upon a video by some folks by the name of Howdini. Their little instructional video (shown below) forever dispelled the mysteries of the bow tie, and did it in under 3:00 minutes.

                                                                                                                                                                   

Now that you've figured out that they are an inexpensive, easy to find item, and learned to tie one properly, go forth and rock a bow tie to your next formal event! You will not regret it. If, on the other hand, you decide to chicken out and go the clip-on route, just remember, Bond is watching you...

With a silenced Walther PPK.

-Lou-

Friday the 13th

Mr. Haiku, Masaoka Shiki.

I'm about as superstitious as the next guy, but some people seem to really get bent out of shape over Friday the 13th (Triskaidekaphobiacs, I'm looking at you). I've been thinking all day about what I wanted to say about this "unlucky" day. So without further ado, my Friday the 13th haiku (P.S. The second and third should be read together):

What about Friday?

What makes this one so special?

A silly superstition

On days like today

I find ways to test the fates

Like drive blindfolded

Girlfriend not amused

At my attempts to reason

these so called "fate tests"

Where is that black cat?

And umbrella

 and ladder?

I'm feeling lucky

It's been a tough day

Triskaidekaphobiacs

Better luck next year

Human condition:

When terrible things occur

Find something to blame

Yes it's true, the actual name of the phobia related to the date, Friday the 13th, is actually paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia, but that doesn't roll off the tongue as easy (And totally ruins the whole 5-7-5- thing). Enjoy 'til next week!

-Lou-

Hooray for amateur poetry hour!

(Masaoka Shiki, actually introduced the term haiku)

Can't think of much to say after my day at work, just numb. So instead, a couple of work related haiku:

Working for Big Blue

The all important summer

Big pressure to sell

Dueling desires

Entertainment or duty

The choice is crystal

-Lou-

Like an injured seal...

(Note: No animals, real or plastic, were harmed in the production of this post.)

"The human being, land-adapted for millions of years, struggles awkwardly when trying to propel himself through a substance 1,000 times denser than air." - Terry Laughlin (Swimming coach & author)

That is a fair way to describe my swimming. I struggle, in an admittedly awkward manner, to get myself from one side of the Olympic swimming pool to the other. Thrashing around in the water, splashing with my legs or not kicking hard enough. Or way too hard. It truly is a sight. If it's not my legs drooping down causing me to sink, then it's me kicking from the knee as opposed to the hip. As my girlfriend would say, "You have to flooowww." I can't tell you how many times I have heard that little piece of advice. 

So the question, obviously, have I learned to flow? Hint: No. 

This serves then to define my starting point. First step of my 1,000 mile journey. It is my Point A. My Point B is me no longer resembling an injured, less hairy member of the Phocidae family.

At the same time that I'm trying to get more swim time in, I'm also reading a book by the previously mentioned author, Terry Laughlin. It's called Total Immersion and if you go by the believers, it is apparently the Holy Grail of swimming technique. I hope so as I can think of few things more embarrassing than a guy with an island heritage unable to swim a few laps. To those of you that have the amazing luck to be naturally gifted swimmers, able to streamline their bodies and gracefully move up and down those lanes, you are indeed lucky. For those like me, we'll see whether there is actually anything to Mr. Laughlin's impressive claims. Here's hoping...

-Lou-

1 Year Down...

(For reference, taken at Biscotti's in the Riverside area of Jax)

As my brother here previously mentioned, I have been unable to post anything up until now due to various "opportunities" with my current position at the Big Blue as well as horrible internet service from AT&T. For those that don't know, when you work for a huge corporate entity, there are never problems, issues, or difficulties; there are only "opportunities". Despite this, I think it worked out rather well, as this weekend also coincides neatly with a rather important date.

As of this weekend, I have officially lived in the metropolitan paradise known as Jacksonville, Florida for one year. There's constant activities for young professionals, everything is close by, and countless establishments for late night fun.

Wow! I was hardly able to keep a straight face writing that. Everything is meant for families with young children or retirees; there is not a single point of interest that is closer than 30 minutes away and the only place open after 11:00 p.m. including weekends are the numerous Froyo establishments. Cee knows what I mean, as he was one of the few brave enough to make the 5.5 hour trek to visit before crossing the pond or whatever you call crossing the Pacific.

One purpose for writing this is as a warning to all of those that may have been fed the same lines I was; the other and primary is to celebrate the fact that I have managed to survive for this considerable length of time. The change from my home city of Miami, Florida to Jacksonville was huge, and one year later I'm still adjusting. If I found out anything this year, it's that people you surround yourself with or an intense passion for your job or town are the only things that can make that kind of move worthwhile. While Cee has the latter in his current "supah happi prace", I've yet to grow that kind of fondness for Jax or my position. My lady, Shellsea, followed me here and I have made one good friend through work. This is what has kept me going. That and catching up on all forms of media  (TV shows, movies, music) that I apparently missed out on over the past few years.

As a side note, the cartoon Archer is hilarious, Bones is melodramatic but entertaining, and Dexter is simply amazing.

More to come in the following days, including my experience so far trying to make good on one of my 2011 resolutions: learning to become a competent, nay, powerful swimmer!

-Lou-

Higher Learning and Higher Spending

Lately, there has been a severe increase in the number of people I know, whom are pursuing Masters degrees, and a few have graduated. Many are making a big fuss about it, that they need to get the Masters to make more money or because they need it as an accomplishment in their lives. Fine.


They have my condolences.


Well, allow me to clarify...you see, I have nothing against higher learning. I believe that if someone is within the means of it and has the gumption for it, go forth and edjumacate yourself! However, some of these people took out a loan just for their Bachelor's, which added with the probable loan taken out to pay for their Masters...they're looking at decades of paying that shit off. Oh, sure: one could argue that people with Masters degrees earn more, as it's been plastered all over the media and universities, and in certain cases, this is actually true! However, what they fail to acknowledge is that not all degrees are quite worth the effort as all degrees are equal, but some are more equal than others (literary references are awesome).


Take, for example, two people: One is a mechanical engineer and the other is an Asian studies graduate. They both decide to go for their respective graduate advancement programs, they graduate and then begin their careers. It's a no-brainer who's gonna be making the serious bucks and who's gonna be paying back a loan for the next 34 years (assuming they get a decent enough job related to their field). Hell, if you take into account interest rates for loans, income and adjust for inflation/cost of living, there's a good chance that even the engineer won't see net profit unless he/she makes closer to 200-300k a year and pays more than the minimum for their loan.


It almost seems like some of these people fail to realize several factors working hard against their ideas, namely:


1) Employers look more for experience, rather than education. Someone with 2-years work experience has more chance than someone with just a Bachelors. The same could be said about 4-years work experience and a Masters.


2) Generally Masters are sought after once you've been in the workforce after some time. This whole 'get a Masters right after a Bachelors' is kind of a novelty, which stems from universities wanting more cash. If you rolled your eyes and scoffed at that last sentence, remember that universities are more like businesses: they care less about your education and more about making cash.


3) Living is fucking expensive. No, seriously; eating, going out, car maintenance, house/apartment maintenance, bills, repairs, miscellaneous expenses...there's a reason why debt runs rampant around the world.


4) Unless they're making over 60k a year, or have a veritable shitton of scholarships/grants/savings, they're simply not making enough cash. 


5) "Learning" has become easier, in that classes are significantly easier to accomplish than they used to be. This sounds like a positive thing, except that because of that, a Masters will soon start losing its appeal and soon employers will want people with fucking PhDs. There's a reason why nowadays a "Bachelors is good to wipe your ass with, and you need a Masters" (at least, according to schools and/or the media).


In essence, they're screwing themselves up by bending over and letting banks and schools ram loans up their asses, and they don't see it coming. [I seriously didn't plan for that pun, honest.]


So, please, if you know someone that is wanting to pursue a graduate program and fit the aforementioned bill of not having enough money/taking out loans/is inexperienced: tell them to get their heads out their asses, 'cause the lack of oxygen is preventing them from using their fucking brains. 


"El costo de la vida sube otra vez..."
- Cee


PS - If you've the means to do it, however, I thoroughly recommend attaining a better degree, preferably an MBA.


Further reading:


http://www.thewisdomjournal.com/Blog/is-a-masters-degree-really-worth-it/
http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/30/what-is-a-masters-degree-worth/
http://money.msn.com/college-savings/is-a-college-degree-worthless-smartmoney.aspx
Or type "Is a Masters degree worth it?" into Google. Derp.

Filler

Lou's been unable to post due to getting screwed by the Big Blue Weenie (I'll let you figure that one out on your own lol).


So, because I don't want to leave you guys without content, here's some filler. Enjoy!

Shhh, shh, shhh. Be quiet, baby. No words...just emotions.

Now imagine that picture with Kenny G in the background and some mood lighting.

Enjoy!

-Cee

The Rand of the Lising San

I'd like to preface the following post by admitting that I've only been living here for just over a month. So, in other words, I may or may not be full of shit.


That being said, I feel I should expose some of the less 'awesome' aspects of Japan. This week I'll cover racism/discrimination.


Racism/Discrimination:


Well, there's racism and discrimination pretty much everywhere you go, however, in Japan it can be very clear and in-your-face. Some people will outright dismiss you just for not being the right shade of yellow (see: Chinese and Koreans), and moreso for being another hue entirely (see: Anything else). You can try to be as Japanese as you want, marry a Japanese person, have half-Japanese little bastards running around, speak better Japanese than the locals and even be a citizen...that'll all sum up to about: fuckall.


You see, Japanese people are very much about the appearances of things. You can be the richest, intelligent, funniest mofo under the sun and by GOD will the Japanese not give a shit about that if you dress like anything less than spectacular.


...


Ok, shitty example. Here's another one: At work, I have certain 'planning' periods where I'm supposed to do planning for classes, except that I only have one school and most of my classes are the same, so I spend a good deal of time looking like I'm busy when really all I'm doing is staring at a piece of paper in front of me and pretending to write. I wish I were kidding about this, I really do. To add further insult to this ordeal of sitting around while you lose all will to live, comes the added 'stress' that if you're done with all your work and you're still not looking busy, you are deemed lazy and unproductive. Now that last bit applies to EVERYONE in the room, but because you're a different color, you're under even more scrutiny (especially if your contrast if low - if you catch my drift). People might walk near you and try to look at what you're doing so they can tell others about how "you were doodling dicks on your desk" or something like that [I'd like to note I haven't been doodling dicks on my desk - Ed]. 


Another little 'issue' is when you have racist teachers in the same room, or when you pass them on the hall. They are NOT coy about it, and will either ignore you/your greeting entirely or look at you like you just sodomized their dog and ate their kid. Or something like that. Either way, to them, you're somewhere between dog shit and a child molester, and all because you're not the right kind of hue or contrast.


"Contrast me up, Scotty."


-Cee


[The Rand of the Lising San is a series focusing on the shittier sides of Japan. This is merely to inform and/or vent, not necessarily reflecting overall opinion of Japan or Japanese people. There's a reason why Cee lives there.]